He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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