so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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