I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
