That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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