I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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