Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
