Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
