lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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