I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
