She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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