I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
