Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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