i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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