Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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