she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
