if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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