i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Everything about him screamed your future.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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