Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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