So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
