I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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