i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Randomize
