Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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