to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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