What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We left an ass print on the piano.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
