Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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