I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
