There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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