And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
