Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
