A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
