I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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