Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
