Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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