Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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