It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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