So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
