I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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