addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
