like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
