u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
i've created a new STD.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
