I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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