So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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