What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
