Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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