youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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