i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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