anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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