You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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