dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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