how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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