Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
