I have demons in me.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
