Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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