Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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