Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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