i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
