She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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