i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
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