What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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