sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
